A Bit Worried…

I can not even remember the last time I had my period.  As paranoid as I am, for a month and couple of weeks now, I constantly bought a couple of at-home preg. tests and always got negative results.  But that does not stop me.  I went to my doctor a couple of days back and had a test once again – still, negative.  It’s been what?  2-3 months that I have not gotten a “visit” after having had for a couple of months.  My doctor says it must be stress and I have to make peace with the fact that from the very start, I do have a very irregular cycle. 

 

I know I am still a bit young at 29 having 2 sons but I just gave birth to my second 6 months back and have not lost my maternity weight and most of all, I do not feel any enthusiasm to conceive again.  This is my second c-section and my recovery during the second one was much tougher than the first.  I told my self after my eldest son was born that I can have another child and so I did after 3 years.  But after going through a 32-hour labor (after my water broke, the doctors still wanted to see if I could do a normal birth so they said 24 hours will be safely enough to see whether it would be possible), a very long post-partum depression and a month-long continuous sleepless nights, I could not possibly imagine how to cope up with another ordeal as such.  Maybe I anticipated a lot during my second birth that it hurt more.

 

With 2 sons, my hands are full because even if I have help at home, I do not want the essential things to be left with another person looking after my kids.  It is sad to think that being a working mom, you have this 8-10 hour routine in the office alone so whatever is left which is supposed to be for rest is being given to my kids.  It is pretty important to be organized and balanced because maintaining this in the household is thrice as tough as doing it once.

The Filipino Will Prevail…

Manny Pacquiao has once again proven that vengeance is sweet but only when it is based on positive stipulations.  It is fair that avenging himself from an obvious “luto” more than a year ago, not to mention the distress he got from his promoter, only goes to show that he is the rightful winner; not necesarilly of any title, but the pride that he has temporarily mislaid because of that one fateful match with Erik Morales.  It was as well a personal triumph over any strife that we stumble upon in our everyday lives.  PACMAN’s victory makes me even prouder being a Pinoy.

It Gets Tough and I am Just Human…

It’s been a while since I last wrote up something in here.  Time flew fast and so many things have taken place, although for me, it’s been the same pattern:  home – work – home.  I got the chance to go out for a picnic last Friday (Friday before the recent) with my colleagues, my sister, my nephew and my younger son.  I started cracking the joke that finally, after being confined inside the house for the whole of the holidays, I have seen the light of day and it has seen me…ha-ha-ha!!!  It was a joke but it meant so much more.

 

Perhaps, I have become more lucid of my role as a working mom that I care less whether or not I recall the last time I had a romantic dinner with my husband or on the probability of a girls night out.  I have completely accepted that because if I do not expect a lot, I am unlikely to get severely dissapointed.

 

I was sick for quite sometime due to the change in climate.  In this part of the world, getting sick becomes constant as the extreme weather changes.  You are exposed to air-conditioning 24/7 so you do not always get fresh air unless you decide to open your windows and your terrace door at times.  On the verge of getting better, I have had an  issue with my younger sister who is staying with me – on her responsibilty towards her actions.  She got married really young and already had a son at the age of 19-20.  Obviously, she was not able to enjoy her being single.  I felt that the conversation we had was of significance as I was able to tell her everything that I favoured and those that I do not.  What I love and much respect of my 2 sisters is the fact that they respect me as their eldest and so, my sister took our discourse rather well.

 

On the other hand, I envy her for being such a good spirit and for having the strength and boldness to do what she wants, not being necessarily right all the time but just the desire to execute this seems to be plucky.  I wish I could find that long lost assertiveness that I used to have in me.  My fear of going forth to do what I desire and not what I am supposed to do is all because of my love for my kids.  I know that nothing is wrong with still wanting to do things except to carry it out in a manner that will not hurt me or my family.  I wish I could sort this out and take this quandary to a positive level.  In this way, I enjoy my life more without feeling guilty.