It’s been a while since I last wrote up something in here. Time flew fast and so many things have taken place, although for me, it’s been the same pattern: home – work – home. I got the chance to go out for a picnic last Friday (Friday before the recent) with my colleagues, my sister, my nephew and my younger son. I started cracking the joke that finally, after being confined inside the house for the whole of the holidays, I have seen the light of day and it has seen me…ha-ha-ha!!! It was a joke but it meant so much more.
Perhaps, I have become more lucid of my role as a working mom that I care less whether or not I recall the last time I had a romantic dinner with my husband or on the probability of a girls night out. I have completely accepted that because if I do not expect a lot, I am unlikely to get severely dissapointed.
I was sick for quite sometime due to the change in climate. In this part of the world, getting sick becomes constant as the extreme weather changes. You are exposed to air-conditioning 24/7 so you do not always get fresh air unless you decide to open your windows and your terrace door at times. On the verge of getting better, I have had an issue with my younger sister who is staying with me – on her responsibilty towards her actions. She got married really young and already had a son at the age of 19-20. Obviously, she was not able to enjoy her being single. I felt that the conversation we had was of significance as I was able to tell her everything that I favoured and those that I do not. What I love and much respect of my 2 sisters is the fact that they respect me as their eldest and so, my sister took our discourse rather well.
On the other hand, I envy her for being such a good spirit and for having the strength and boldness to do what she wants, not being necessarily right all the time but just the desire to execute this seems to be plucky. I wish I could find that long lost assertiveness that I used to have in me. My fear of going forth to do what I desire and not what I am supposed to do is all because of my love for my kids. I know that nothing is wrong with still wanting to do things except to carry it out in a manner that will not hurt me or my family. I wish I could sort this out and take this quandary to a positive level. In this way, I enjoy my life more without feeling guilty.