It Gets Tough and I am Just Human…

It’s been a while since I last wrote up something in here.  Time flew fast and so many things have taken place, although for me, it’s been the same pattern:  home – work – home.  I got the chance to go out for a picnic last Friday (Friday before the recent) with my colleagues, my sister, my nephew and my younger son.  I started cracking the joke that finally, after being confined inside the house for the whole of the holidays, I have seen the light of day and it has seen me…ha-ha-ha!!!  It was a joke but it meant so much more.

 

Perhaps, I have become more lucid of my role as a working mom that I care less whether or not I recall the last time I had a romantic dinner with my husband or on the probability of a girls night out.  I have completely accepted that because if I do not expect a lot, I am unlikely to get severely dissapointed.

 

I was sick for quite sometime due to the change in climate.  In this part of the world, getting sick becomes constant as the extreme weather changes.  You are exposed to air-conditioning 24/7 so you do not always get fresh air unless you decide to open your windows and your terrace door at times.  On the verge of getting better, I have had an  issue with my younger sister who is staying with me – on her responsibilty towards her actions.  She got married really young and already had a son at the age of 19-20.  Obviously, she was not able to enjoy her being single.  I felt that the conversation we had was of significance as I was able to tell her everything that I favoured and those that I do not.  What I love and much respect of my 2 sisters is the fact that they respect me as their eldest and so, my sister took our discourse rather well.

 

On the other hand, I envy her for being such a good spirit and for having the strength and boldness to do what she wants, not being necessarily right all the time but just the desire to execute this seems to be plucky.  I wish I could find that long lost assertiveness that I used to have in me.  My fear of going forth to do what I desire and not what I am supposed to do is all because of my love for my kids.  I know that nothing is wrong with still wanting to do things except to carry it out in a manner that will not hurt me or my family.  I wish I could sort this out and take this quandary to a positive level.  In this way, I enjoy my life more without feeling guilty.

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3 thoughts on “It Gets Tough and I am Just Human…

  1. This delema that you talk about,  “Doing what you want over doing what is right”  is such a hard subject to tackle.  I feel the same in my life.  Most of the time doing what you want feels good temperarily but then when you look back and see all the things in your life that you should have done, you feel as though you could have done things better.  I am 31 years old, and I have just started to do what is right in my life.  Suppriseingly it takes only a little self dicipline to live this way and I feel much better about myself and my choices.  You are on the right track dont ever think that doing the right thing is not the way to be.  You sound like your doing very well.

  2. ah, i feel this. This is what life is like with my sister. Your babies are beautiful and you are very beautiful too. Try to let the sun “see you” a little more often. Thanks for the post.

  3. maybe that is the difference between the younger and the older sibsa–we do what we should while they do what they want. I try to do more of what i want and I try to encourage her to do more of what she should.

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