A Common Affair

A friend texted a link to a blog post about a girl who was talking about her own girl-friend apparently having an affair with a married man.  The former expressed her contradiction asking the latter why it was allowed in the first place.  Somehow, the girl has fallen for it, which made her miserable and unhappy.  But the relationship is a dead-end, we all know that.  True, this is the kind of relationship where guarantees are not in place; you cannot and should not demand, promise or give your hopes up for anything that has something to do with it.   If you look at it in this respect, the blogger friend is unhesitatingly right.

It just so happened that a close friend who sent me this blog post is in the same exact situation; this time, he is the married guy and I am good friends with the girl as well.  However, in this situation, both of them mutually agreed that it will not be an affair.  In the very words of Anne Curtis in the movie “No Other Woman”, they were just two consenting adults having fun.  Who are we kidding?  Of course, it is an affair.  But that is just beside the point though.  The woman, who still insists that it is not an affair, made it clear from the very start that the relationship should not compromise anything going on in their own lives.  They must live just the way they do now.  When they make time, it is only and will always be about the two of them making the most of whatever they have at hand from and a propos each other.  Trust me, they care for each other very much but they know each other’s circumstances and they do not want to disrupt their own respective domains. They drew the line from the very start.  Let’s face it; lust overwhelmed them although it wasn’t necessarily the deciding factor why it came about.  It’s just that they knew each other awhile and during that stretch, at the back of their minds, there was heat.  But they both chose not to act upon it because they favored the friendship more than anything, until recently, when they got the chance to meet up; the one or the other finally mustered the courage to ask about attraction, chemistry and awkwardness between them.  They were honest to assert that they cannot fight it anymore to this point.  I thought I’d give them credit for that; they are not hypocrites, they are humans.  But humans rational enough to understand their place in this, knowing that it is very much likely for them to hurt each other and to hurt somebody else in the long run.   They want to be in it and they cannot deny it anymore, what are you gonna do?  Deal with it.  This is the best possible way they know how.  The only set back is, will there ever be a remote possibility that they are able to stay friends if all these took a toll on them one day? 

In one casual conversation, the guy asked the girl what she would do if he fell for her deeper than he already is.  The girl, the bitch that she is (and I mean that in a good that’s-how-i-love-her-talk way) told him that he should not even be asking that question because it should be pre-empted, constantly in check of reality before it gets worse. In everything that she’s been through in life, she has managed to build a wall around her.  When she knows that she is about to go over the edge, this wall pulls her back and encloses her not allowing anything to penetrate so she doesn’t get hurt.  He asks her how he does it and what if he is not as strong as her in keeping this strapping bravado when called for.  She made him promise that they will be as openly communicating as they are as friends, even more open and honest If possible.  She promises that she will be strong for him.  If she realizes that he is falling for her inappropriately (not that the relationship isn’t already), she will be the one to drift away for good (because at the back of her mind, she knows she is not invincible and she can crack, too).  Ultimately, although it sounds cruel and heartless to say the least, the girl compellingly believes (and by heart) that even if they choose each other now, they will not be each other’s choice at the end of the line (ouch).