I did manage to import all my Xanga posts to my WordPress blog and it is so surreal being able to read from my own diary, if you will, from 9 years ago…so, so enlightening and did I say, surreal?!? I haven’t written in awhile but all of a sudden, my daily routine maybe changing drastically; Though am trying really hard, neither can I seem to get rid of my phone nor my laptop; my big playlist is ready with just about a little bit of everything – 80’s nostalgia, Disney movie soundtrack, musicals, Church songs, some Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Christina Perri, MJ, EWF, The Beatles, new hit songs and old…and as I consider myself a bit of a creative mind, a hint (alright, a lot) of procrastination. Ok, I want to establish the right kind of inspiration.
So, here’s the thing – when I did the big move, I will finally admit, I was a bit of a mess here and there. Didn’t want to worry my family. Besides, they do have their own little issues and instead of being a burden, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. “Oh I’m right at home there”, “I’ve been there for vacation a couple of times before, I’ll be fine”…Please cut me a little slack – no matter how positive of a person I am, perhaps a little less whinier than most people, it freaked me out. Again, I will say that feeling like this doesn’t make me love my husband and my children any less; as a matter of fact, they are and will be the main reason I was able to do it in the first place. But the last 15 years of my life in the UAE, working; not being able to go home to my own country for the last, what? 5-6 years, made it really, really more difficult. I love being a housewife; I love taking care of my family, cooking for the boys, baking for ’em, at times smothering them just a li’l, sure (they have to bear with some imbalance hormones on certain ocassions). I miss working, yes but it was not the worst. It was the acceptance that I am indeed here and it is not my own realm. There is the never-ending comparisons between the Pinoys and the Lankans in words and deeds, my own people winning all my self arguments of course, duh…there isn’t a mall the size of Dubai Mall or Mall of Asia, we have to go to the city to be able to eat burgers in McDonald’s, no theme parks, nightlife…what can I say?…will suffice I think and their TV and movie personalities could really use some fashion advice and I mean that in a good, concerned way. But aren’t all these, petty, I ask myself. What about…?
My husband is blessed with a good job and is lovingly taking care of us
My kids are privileged to be going to a good school, smart enough to get accelerated by a year
My eldest son has been selected to play for the under 13 Football League in SL
My bunso creates awesome drawings just using the laptop touch pad (I can already envision Disney or Pixar)
We are blessed with shelter, a more than enough roof over our heads, with warm beds and clothing
I have house help
Our subdivision has 24-hour security
We are living in one of the awesome places in Sri Lanka, the hillside…where the mountains are green, the air is clean and fresh, and the weather is good
I have sight and comprehension to be able to read and thank God for all the books in this world
New-found Pinoy friends…yes, there are lots of Filipinos but mostly in Colombo and Negombo
Game of Thrones and The Voice keep me sane
Knowing that even if they are far from me right now, I will always have my Papa, Mama, my sisters, bros-in-law, nephews, the whole fam and friends and I am here for them
The hugs and kisses and overflowing love from my boys
God’s ever-presence in my midst
I used to keep a gratitude journal (Got the inspiration from Oprah…love her) but somehow, along the way, I had a fallout. And then, I immediately came to realize what the problem is…I have FORGOTTEN TO BE GRATEFUL. Regardless of Oprah, orThe Secret, or what all the great minds of this lifetime teaches, being grateful to God to the Universe is imperative in more ways than one. Plus, all these blessings are thrice as much as the complaints I throw to the Universe. I open my eyes and pray for peace and love in my whole system. Then, and only then I see all the beauty and goodness of what, where and when I am.