Bye for now, Ceylon

Goodbye is indeed the hardest part of hello; especially, seeing my kids cry and cling on to me was the most excruciating – feet are heavy from taking a mere step away from them.  Worse, re-booking my return flight to Abu Dhabi placed me in a much much cheaper carrier of Sri Lankan Airlines (flight affiliated with the new Mihin Lanka).  I know 4 and a half hours is much preferred than the 9 hours to fly between Manila and Abu Dhabi but for a melancholic soul like me who can never sleep in planes, without entertainment to keep me by, this will seem like eternity.  The e-books on my phone would have sufficed but we were unfortunately prohibited from using devices even on flight mode.  I would have also asked for reading materials from the cabin crew but then found a pen and a piece of paper (where my ETA to Sri Lanka was printed) inside my bag so I hand-wrote this entry (typing it up now that I am reunited with my laptop and an unlimited data package from Etisalat).  I am so glad that the baby of the passengers in the next seat has fallen asleep; finally, some peace and quiet after an hour of wailing cries; I am also glad that the air-conditioning has started to fill the cabin with cool air and I stopped using the menu as a make-do fan; I also could not be happier that the passenger behind me is no longer stomping his big foot against my chair so I have avoided an argument in case I would not have been able to be patient no more and told him off.  I guess, in the midst of all these petty things, I was just swaying with my loneliness and homesickness from being away from my kids and husband – the loves of my life, next to God and myself.  I can hardly breathe and find myself fighting the tears every now and then but it will get better  – it always does get better.

Happiness!Mah boysDouble D

I am blessed to have shared this wonderful vacation with my boys by the grace of God with the bonus of having my parents come over for a visit – an unexpected visit I am so thankful for as they get to spend another month with their grandsons.  As for me, I will be happy to see and be with my sisters and their families back in Abu Dhabi.  That is another silver lining; most overseas workers  leave their family without having anybody to help ease the pain of separation from loved ones.   I guess there is really no rhyme or reason for me at this point but one thing is for certain – I will journey back to SL to be with my own family very soon.

UAE has been good to me for over a decade but I can’t help the truth that it also presented me with so many rooms for errors and temptation to commit them.  Not that I blame it but I did make a lot of bad decisions and mistakes in it.  A few good things it offered me was the opportunity to bring my parents, siblings and families over; it offered me good career growth and learning; mostly, lessons learnt from implicating circumstances that I wouldn’t have thought I will be in – not in a million years.  But this is because of the mistakes I have made.  But more importantly, I got married to a kind and loving man and he gave me 2 beautiful sons.

It is never too late to correct this mistakes and live a life of love, forgiveness and with God in the midst.  This time, priorities will be in order, prioritizing a must and setting priorities is my mantra now more than ever.  I came back to work with the same professionalism and dedication to my company but my ultimate priority is my family – more but no less.  I will see how I can realize all these, threading a long path, which will lead me back to them at the end of the line.

how it will all start…

I am married to a Sri Lankan working in Kandy; both my kids go to school in Dehiwela and it is inevitable that I join them sooner rather than later…

Mrs. Tala Supangco-Ocampo's blog and my local kisses treat

Mrs. Tala Supangco-Ocampo’s blog and my almost- finished pack of local kisses treat

 

I am on my annual vacay extension right now after 3 weeks of being with my hubby and my 2 boys, but will be flying back to Abu Dhabi on the 9th of Sept; no more further extension as apparently, my company still needs me.  Although, that doesn’t help one bit with my dilemma.  Up until this morning, in the midst of praying to God for enlightenment and clarity of mind, heart and soul; I still didn’t know how to make of my plans of setlting down in Sri Lanka…I say yes, no doubt, just because of my worrying for my kids.  Thank God for my discovering this blog by Mrs. Tala Supangco – Ocampo (or now known as Mommy T Coach  http://www.mommytcoach.com/ ) entitled Livin’ La Vida Lanka.  The initial plan was to research on the Filipino community here in Sri Lanka but got so engrossed with reading up her entries, that, in browsing through, gave me the information I needed anyway.

She was a resident of Colombo for nearly 2 years and she has accounted all her adventures and misadventures of living in the tear-drop island in her blog. She was, in 2010, newly-married to her Filipino husband who got a one-of-a-kind assignment in old Ceylon.  It has been a cliche that a husband and wife should be physically together to make the marriage work, al the more for newly-weds and for “T”, she is not the same without her hubby; bottom line is she wants and needs to be with her husband wherever that may be; hence, the move.  That is how it starts for me…reading her blog almost the whole day (ditched my light house cleaning for today, lol).  a blog and an almost completely consumed pack of kisses (merengue cookies) after, it finally dawned on me…I want and need to be where my boys are, even if it means settling down as a Kandyan…once and for all and very soon at that.

I love writing and keeps me sane as well so I thought to vent via blogging and hopefully reach out to people – friends, families, perhaps, future acquaintances and friends in Sri Lanka who can help me through and share wisdom on how to take on this new challenge.  Today, I finally learned to accept it; tomorrow and the days to come, I will keep making peace with the fact that this is where I want to be – with my husband and my 2 sons no questions asked.  But I know it will be an ongoing ordeal especially until I have finally rid of all the negative and think of rather the positive side of this circumstance.  I may be going back to the UAE for now but that marks the start of my journey to return and finally embrace my second home – Sri Lanka.

My Gratitude Diary – Mon, 16 July 2012

I thank you, Almighty Father for each and every single blessing that You bestow upon me and my family by the second, by the minute, by the hour, by the days, weeks, months and year…

1.)  I thank you for the recently concluded birthday celebration of my Denahi; for the bonus that both my husband and I got from our companies and that we had resources to use for our everyday needs and for this particular celebration.

2.)  I thank you everyday for the gift of life you bless us with everyday

3.) I thank you for the summer vacation and that we were able to stay here in Abu Dhabi and I got rested from traveling for a while

4.) I thank you for Yohan’s new job

5.) I thank you for my job

6.) I thank you for the wisdom, the strength, the experience, the knowledge

7.) I thank you for turning my life around

8.) I thank you for the rationality, sensibility and sanity

9.) I thank you for Papa, Mama, Bang, King, Ryan, Wilson, J, Z, my Yohan, Dilshan and Denahi, most of all

10.) I thank you for Your Presence in our midst 24/7

11.) I thank you for the forgiveness

12.) I thank you for all my friends and for the goodness in our working environment in Fast

13.) I thank you for the break You have given to Yohan

14.) I thank you for this day

I love You Lord 🙂

A Common Affair

A friend texted a link to a blog post about a girl who was talking about her own girl-friend apparently having an affair with a married man.  The former expressed her contradiction asking the latter why it was allowed in the first place.  Somehow, the girl has fallen for it, which made her miserable and unhappy.  But the relationship is a dead-end, we all know that.  True, this is the kind of relationship where guarantees are not in place; you cannot and should not demand, promise or give your hopes up for anything that has something to do with it.   If you look at it in this respect, the blogger friend is unhesitatingly right.

It just so happened that a close friend who sent me this blog post is in the same exact situation; this time, he is the married guy and I am good friends with the girl as well.  However, in this situation, both of them mutually agreed that it will not be an affair.  In the very words of Anne Curtis in the movie “No Other Woman”, they were just two consenting adults having fun.  Who are we kidding?  Of course, it is an affair.  But that is just beside the point though.  The woman, who still insists that it is not an affair, made it clear from the very start that the relationship should not compromise anything going on in their own lives.  They must live just the way they do now.  When they make time, it is only and will always be about the two of them making the most of whatever they have at hand from and a propos each other.  Trust me, they care for each other very much but they know each other’s circumstances and they do not want to disrupt their own respective domains. They drew the line from the very start.  Let’s face it; lust overwhelmed them although it wasn’t necessarily the deciding factor why it came about.  It’s just that they knew each other awhile and during that stretch, at the back of their minds, there was heat.  But they both chose not to act upon it because they favored the friendship more than anything, until recently, when they got the chance to meet up; the one or the other finally mustered the courage to ask about attraction, chemistry and awkwardness between them.  They were honest to assert that they cannot fight it anymore to this point.  I thought I’d give them credit for that; they are not hypocrites, they are humans.  But humans rational enough to understand their place in this, knowing that it is very much likely for them to hurt each other and to hurt somebody else in the long run.   They want to be in it and they cannot deny it anymore, what are you gonna do?  Deal with it.  This is the best possible way they know how.  The only set back is, will there ever be a remote possibility that they are able to stay friends if all these took a toll on them one day? 

In one casual conversation, the guy asked the girl what she would do if he fell for her deeper than he already is.  The girl, the bitch that she is (and I mean that in a good that’s-how-i-love-her-talk way) told him that he should not even be asking that question because it should be pre-empted, constantly in check of reality before it gets worse. In everything that she’s been through in life, she has managed to build a wall around her.  When she knows that she is about to go over the edge, this wall pulls her back and encloses her not allowing anything to penetrate so she doesn’t get hurt.  He asks her how he does it and what if he is not as strong as her in keeping this strapping bravado when called for.  She made him promise that they will be as openly communicating as they are as friends, even more open and honest If possible.  She promises that she will be strong for him.  If she realizes that he is falling for her inappropriately (not that the relationship isn’t already), she will be the one to drift away for good (because at the back of her mind, she knows she is not invincible and she can crack, too).  Ultimately, although it sounds cruel and heartless to say the least, the girl compellingly believes (and by heart) that even if they choose each other now, they will not be each other’s choice at the end of the line (ouch).

I’m doing just fine…

I may be procrastinating a lot these days but it’s kinda helping me more put things in perspective.  As ironic as that may sound, it’s actually true.  Perhaps, I have already embraced the idea of change; it is inevitable so might as well embrace it.  Now, more than ever, I am feeling a sense of peace and a great deal of hope.  I remember a part of a prayer I have always said:  “Jesus, I know, You are not done with me yet…” and indeed, He wasn’t.  He is turning my life around and I am celebrating His blessings by being calm and real, not ideal.  I am not overwhelmed by jumping for joy but I do so by closing my eyes and saying my “thank you’s” to HIM all chance I get.

Problems do not go away and they still keep me up, sleepless at certain nights but the peace…oh, peace, is finally there.  I am doing just fine and it is all because of the Holy Triune God. Jesus fills me with His Holy Spirit everyday and makes me closer to God every living breath I take.

My whole family, including my hubby, was sick since last week until over the weekend.  We all went to the doctor on Wednesday night and got (a lot of) medicine prescriptions.  Oh well, if we want to get better…although confined in our Dubai haven the whole weekend, it was a happy and contented one.  I was just happy to share it with him and the boys.

I am missing him.  These past couple of weeks of spending weekends together is making me realize a great deal of things.  It is easier to talk to him, easier to fight and make up with him; still sensing a bit if inhibitions but I am willing to take baby steps for now happy

For today, I am thankful to GOD for:

1.)The gift of life for me and my family esp my children

2.)Our safe arrival from Dubai to Abu Dhabi

3.)For healing from our colds, flu and throat infections

4.)For our jobs incl Yohan’s and stability in it

5.)My family

6.)My friends esp. M&P and Noems

7.)House MD that I can download through Torrents

8.)For our gadgets and phones

9.)For all my senses working

10.)For the checklist that I was able to prepare even though after 2 tasks, I procrastinated again

11.)The Bible readings I get in my inbox and through the internet

12.)My children passing their entrance exam in Dubai Scholars

In Jesus’ name, Amen.